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A study published by the relationship charity Relate would suggest that Wolfe was on to something. One in 10 people in the UK said they had no friends and one in five reported feeling unloved in the fortnight preceding the survey. Those who have friends frequently go through life unaware that others do not, because those others are so isolated as to be socially invisible.
Because I have written about depression, some such people have reached out to me for advice, describing its universal bleakness and the bleaker reality of suffering without the cushion of love. We are imprisoned even in crowded cities and at noisy parties.
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Prof Simon Wessely, the incoming president of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, has indicated that only one-third of people with mental health issues in the UK are receiving treatment of any kindwhich means that the number receiving effective treatment must be much smaller. It has been suggested that treating mentally ill people is expensive, and fuun in the current economic climate, funds cannot readily be found for such treatment.
But not treating the depressed is ultimately more expensive than treating them.
People who cannot function end up on the dole; parents may not be able to take care of their children; men guu women too depressed to sustain their physical health could develop serious conditions that cost the NHS a great deal. Such neglect would never be tolerated in response to a physical illness.
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Depression is a disease of loneliness. Many untreated depressives lack friends because it saps the vitality that friendship requires and immures its victims in an impenetrable sheath, making it hard for them to speak or hear words of comfort.
Love — both expressed and received — is helpful, not because it ameliorates the symptoms of depression it does notbut because it gives people evidence that life may be worth living if they can only get better. It gives them a place to admit to their illness, and admitting it is the first step toward resolving it.
It would be arrogant for people with friends to pity those without. Some friendless people may be close to their parents or children rather than to extrafamilial friends, or they may be more interested in things or ideas than in other people.
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The Relate research suggests that married people are mostly happier than the unmarried, but marriage is not right for everyone. For some, friendship has become a vocabulary as obscure as Sanskrit. Lack of ,onely fluency may cause depression; it may exacerbate it; it may cast a shadow over recovery.
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But there are ways to help people who want friendships to learn the language of affection. Parents and schools can teach children productive ways to engage. Literature, film, poetry, music and art can show what relatedness looks like.
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Over and over again Ga, have heard tones of astonishment as social relations are built — often starting with a therapist. Many of us are more alone than we need to be, living in gratuitous exile.
Friendship is an impulse encoded deep within us, but it is also a skill, and skills can be both taught and learned. Mental health Health Health policy Relationships comment.
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